you peed.

So I’m almost 22 years old and I’ve only just had the most embarrassing moment of my entire life.

My friend and I decided to go to this rap concert, Wale & K’naan if you’re familiar. So to prepare myself for this event I start chugging a box of Franzia before I leave my house.

After arriving at the venue and getting patted down, we head straight for the bar. After a few tequila shots and a couple of spendy beers, it was time to dance. I’m a dumb white girl and the friend I’m with is a nerdy Asian boy, so naturally we fit in. We head down into the crowds to wave our hands in the air awkwardly and shake our butts.

During a break between the two acts, I figure it’s a good time to go pee. I head to the bathroom to find a long line of ladies extending all the way into the lobby. All of a sudden it hits me like a ton of bricks, I really, really have to pee. And these bitches were taking way longer than normal. I’m doing the pee dance. My legs are all twisted inward, crossed, and I’m shifting back and forth. I start mapping out escape routes in my head. Running out the door into the city streets and urinating in a back alley was one idea.

So I’m about 3 girls away from the stall, when the fucking flood gates open. I’m standing there, in front of a ton of people, in a dress, pissing all over the floor. This wasn’t a little pee we’re talking about here, this was a “I’ve been drinking for 3 hours and haven’t broken the seal yet” kind of pee. The Queen of pees.

I was powerless, I had officially lost all control of my bladder. I don’t know what to do so I guess I started whispering, “Shit.. shit.. fuck.. oh my god… shit.”

The girl next to me in line obviously sees this happening, gets her ankles splashed and screams “EW! You been drinkin’ girl?” My response was to tell her I was the drunkest I have ever been (a lie to make it seem more acceptable… it’s still not acceptable though).

Onlookers are grossed out. The girl next to me tells me to go clean myself up. So I go in the stall and start drying my legs off, humiliated. I hear people splashing around in my urine outside the bathroom. I hear, “Gross, why’s there water all over the floor?” The girl who I thought totally had my back through this whole ordeal goes “Honey, dat ain’t water.” Fuck.

And also let me mention I went out to a bar afterward where I fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning with Connect Four game pieces stuck to my chest. 

— 21 y/o female from Philly, PA


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